God's plan?

Four years ago, i met a guy, not knowing his existence before, didn't care about it too, maybe just a guy that likes to sleep during chinese lesson and gets scolded by the teacher for talking too loud. Three years ago, we became classmates. He was the class 'joker' i guess. One day, after my girl's guide speech( yes, i was in GG. Due to shit school system) ,i went back to class and it was in a exam sitting arrangement, i don't know why but the table beside him was empty and i just settled down. I remember i had my hair tied in french braids and thinking it was cute and all,  and suddenly i dropped a useless plastic which i probably didn't want it back, and this guy picked it up and returned it to me with a smile. We didn't have any conversation, maybe just passing paper aroud was the only interaction. Then, my friend's birthday, long story short, we invited him over although we are not even close at all. He didn't want to join at first, i contacted him and called him, after a night's of persuasion, he finally decided to join. ( Don't even ask why i diedie want this guy to come )  By then, i guess my thoughts on this guy was he is quite funny and interesting. After the birthday celebration, we continued to talk, until shit happens and my friends started saying things that hurt me, so i decided to keep the contact low profile, because i wanted to continue talking to him?! Although he was someone that didnt even tell me about his life AT ALL and when we argued he NEVER told me about how he felt. Funny enough we talked for a year plus but we didnt go out before. Maybe just a short 10min train ride together after school ( i initiated it ) Expectations became desperation. I got upset, i didn't understand even though we both had feelings for each other why didnt he meet me? Why didn't he initiate to go out with me? Benefit of doubt, maybe he was so so so busy. My birthday came, naive and dumb me blew out the candle and made a wish about him, and at 11pm he sent me a 'happy birthday!!'. I honestly didn't expect anything. A surprise, a present? No. Just an acceptable long message is sufficient. But end up it was just a happy birthday. Sad birthday huh. Then soon we graduated, he went to work, schedule was tight and we started to text lesser, but more arguments. I got tired of his excuses and he got tired of the repeated arguments. I still remember clearly what i sent him after him not replying for 3 days straight.  " since you decided not to reply me, i guess i know what you meant ". And i just disappeared, like he did.

It wasn't alright. I dated a guy then but i never liked him. I thought i did, i didnt have an intention to play him out. Maybe just a stupid rebound. Then i was attracted to a jerk, but lets not talk about it. Then i got together with a great guy for almost a year. It was real, i thought i finally found the one, i thought i finally forgot the guy from 3 years ago. But no, time to time i think of the guy from 3 years ago, i wonder if he is alright and if he still thinks of me. One day, i decided to text him, due to some project. Mind's  intention was really to help out on the project, but heart wanted to ask him a million questions. I let my heart took over. Because this 3 years he was always kept in my heart, somewhere i wanted to demolish forever, but somehow it just did not. We texted and he decided to meet me, claiming that he was at his grandparent's which was near my house. So we met downstairs and talked. It was a heart relief. We finally talked, and argued about whose fault was it. It felt like something i can't explain. We continued to talk, with no intentions at first. Then i thought, if we continued, i really don't know how i will feel. This 3 years of missing him just came hitting me all at once. I wanted to just disappear from this earth forever and be alone, i don't want to deal with anyone, love anyone or hurt anyone anymore. Then i thought to myself, 3 years of not forgeting this person? He finally 'came back' to my life? Do i want to lose it and go back to my normal life or grab the chance? I guess the 3 years really wasn't fake at all. He is really special. 3 years ago is really busy, 3 years later too, i guess he is really just working hard for future. But i hope i am not too selfish to wish for more of him. I am someone that totally cant express how i feel and what i want. Alot of the time people might think im just together with people for the sake of it, but i get attached easily, im just not touchy. I am just blessed and glad that the guy i thought i will never be with is in my life again. It definitely felt different, 3 years ago and now. And when ever i think of it, it feels so surreal, it felt like it has never happened before. But this 3 years, he changed too, someone that is willing to commit and tried his best to fulfil promises. Someone that will come straight to find you when you are upset and someone that is mindful of this insecure girl. Thank you. I am grateful for you, and will always do.